It’s been difficult year, a not very good year and unfortunately I’m not in any of a better situation. Originally being told 1-2 years and now 4 to 6 weeks. It really makes you sit and think, of course it does. It isn’t human, it not sane for us to hear language used like this, we’re humans we don’t talk about death, we embrace life, constantly learning.
I have come to terms with the facts of the liver failing slowly, the bleed on my bran and fluid. I’ve accepted my outcome, this doesn’t mean I want it, or think single mindedly this is how it’s meant to be. You never know I could be a very lucky son of a gun and have the cure could and hopefully be around the corner but till then, it’s the present which matters the most, not forgetting of course the future. Don’t worry all my fingers and toes are definitely crossed, STAY POSITIVE. Presently though I need to have priorities and that’s with my family, the very little energy I do have needs to be focused on them. I’ve always tried not to let anyone down and come across as honest (sometimes a little too honest), trustworthy and reliable person but its taking all my energy out of me. I want to spend the day with you, and hear everything you’ve got to say, you have a problem, I want to make It better, but this is a message to say sorry, I can’t anymore which kills me off more than the cancer.
I’m asking you, and please don’t be offended just to give me some space over the next month. I need the emptiness to, I don’t know, sign off my own bucket list mentally… maybe? If that’s spending special moments with my family than that’s it. I was always worried about writing this because you end up sounding like ungrateful toss pot. You, yes you have made the last couple of months easier, you’ve made me smile in dark times, you made me cry with happiness rather than tears of sadness. You made me forget about being ill most importantly.
But, now all I want is the normality of waking up and making it through the next 12 hours pain free which even now is more a challenge then it ever was.
So I’m sorry If I don’t get back to you Facebook, via text or phone call, or meet you in the pub next week but I simply haven’t got the energy anymore, physically or mentally. I’ll try!
I hope you understand.
Medical update, I had to have 4 units, full body worth of blood transfusion to get me back on track last weekend. Wasn’t the best, clinic is booked in for mid-December to arrange an action plan or palliative care, who knows?
Thank to everyone who’s been involved/attended mini festival & the wedding, it was perfect. You me made so happy, so much positive energy. I love you for it.
If there any major medical news I’ll update the blog, otherwise for now I’m signing off.
Peace out, yours, Glaba.